happy tears.

A bright and sunny day it is. Though the sun has risen at its highest, I can still feel the coldness of the season. The cool wind gives me shivers. Not sure of this feeling, but it's nervousness and excitement at the same time. There's something about today that's got me thinking, a big thing is bound to happen. Yes, TODAY. Or maybe this is just excitement of having to do this kind of dating for the first time. You were the one who prepared everything, I just came in for the ride. Beach, sun, you, us, who wouldn't say yes? But even up to this very day, I have been thinking a lot. Yes, about us. After everything, I learned to keep my boundaries, my heart's boundaries anyway. I learned to just enjoy what we have at the moment, or what I think have anyway. I learned not to give everything so as not to expect anything in return. To be thankful for the happy times and to just pray for the best are the things I have always kept in mind. So, today, it's just me, having fun with you. A very rare moment as how I'm tyring to look at it. The one I have been hoping for at the back of my mind.

Lying here with you, it's very fine with me. It's as if the gap that we had didn't happen ever. No awkwardness, non at all. The feeling is actually very familiar, as if we have just been doing this last week. Your moves are so familiar, as if it's my comforting remedy for stress, or simply for a bad day. Your hugs, your kisses, and especially you being with me at this moment, will be my thanksgiving prayer for tonight. I won't be praying for this to happen again next week or any time soon, I'll just simply hope for the best as I have always been praying for. I'm so happy.

This hug you're giving me right now, it's like the coffee I have been craving for all morning. It feels so good, I do not want to let go. So I'm squeeze-hugging you back, I think I have been dreaming of giving you this hug for the longest time. It feels so good, I want to just stay here, forever. But this is not a fairy tale, so I'm thinking it'll end up in a couple of seconds.

........

Hey, why are you not letting go yet? Are you asleep? I do not hear any snores. No, you're not sleeping. With that kind of sounds of your breath on my left ear, I am very sure you're not sleeping. Oh. My. God! Did I hear it right? "Ha?" Oh, no.. I think I'm the one sleeping, I'm dreaming, I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming.

"Ha?" I heard the same thing. No, I'm not dreaming. I realize that now as you're slightly distancing your head. And you're now face is inches away from mine.

"Mahal kita."

Silence.

Happiness is coming all over me right now. Cloud nine, cloud nine. This time, I'm pretty damn sure this is not a dream at all. I'm sure I heard it right. What to do? What to say? I'm so excited, nervous and super happy all at the same time. Sht! Don't cry, don't cry. No, I can't cry, not right now, not in front of you. You can not think that this is a big deal for me (when in fact, it is!).

Silence.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 seconds. Why am I just looking at you right now? I think I've been staring at you for I don't know how long. Why are you giving me that look? Am I supposed to say anything? Oh, God! Should I say anything? Oh, geez! I think I should but.. How is it possible that I cannot force myself to utter a single word? Should I say the same thing? I want to but I can't! Not that I don't feel the same for you but I just can't. Am I ready? Am I really ready this time? I think, I am. I'm thinking again. Of course, I am! This is what I've been always praying for, I guess. Because this is simply the best moment, and that's what I have always been praying for, right? I'm literally speechless. Or have I just gone mute? I can't let another second pass without letting you know how much I do feel the same.

Silence in a split second.

Did I just kiss you? Did I actually just kiss you?! As I'm hugging you so tight right now, I think I just did. Oh my God! This really is happening. What good have I done lately to be blessed with this day?

"Wala ka ba man lang sasabihin?"

Oh! So I still haven't spoken a word yet. I'm so sorry, I'm just so excited right now. And... Enough thinking! Go for it!

"I love you, too!"

And you're seriously hugging me again? You are so making me want to cry right now.

Must. Not. Cry.

Must. Not. Cry.

Must. Not. Cry.

........

Ok. I can't help it! But I'm wiping my eyes as soon as each happy tear falls.