notes.
Do you remember when we really first met?
I was with my two cousins (a midget gal and afreakishly annoying shovel boy). I dragged them both because I knew that it would be just fine whatever would've happened then. You sent me a message,asking me where I was and I replied, saying I was at the bookstore. Little did I know you were there, too? (Or maybe you just told me that) We were like kids,chasing each other at the place. I don't know what got into me when I decided to just walk off and go. I didn't think you'd run after me until you suddenly showed up beside me at the exit door. We walked and talked plainly about non-sense, explained by shyness that had struck us. It was dinner time so we grabbed seats at McDonald's and ate timidly. And that started our not-so-often afternoons out together.
Do you remember how we used to put each other tosleep at night and wake each other up the following morning?
You would sing to me your favorite song (or anysong, even the weird ones, that popped out of your mind) and I'd listen to you while keeping myself from laughing because honestly speaking, your notes are sometimes not so harmonized (sorry for the honesty, dear). But still, I loved it and it was MY lullaby.
Our mornings were quite sweet, welcomed by kisses and cuddles. We'd wake up early and get up late. Just so you know I used to wish we could've stayed like that the whole day everyday.
Do you remember when we used to make pasta?
Whenever there's something to celebrate or when I just want to cook for you, we'd make some pasta. I would slice the hotdogs and you would mince some onions and garlic. You'd set the water to boil and I'd put the pasta on. Waiting is my favorite part. While taking turns on stirring, you'd suddenly tickle me and the rest is my more favorite part. Good thing we can still manage to not overcook the pasta.
Making the sauce is my part, yours is to taste it.The judgment time is your favorite part, I know, tasting the dish until there's no more and your loud burp is my little reward.
Do you remember those movie marathon times we had?
We both love movies, for sure, so we often go to theatres or just stay at our home to watch your VCDs/DVDs. I'd choose those i want but you'd go for those which my siblings would definitely love. Sure, you have a way with them. But this so called movie marathon would often end up with only one movie roll, sometimes even just a half of it due to time constraints,us being such sleepy heads, or most often, us cuddling on the couch.
Do you remember when we used to squabble aboutrandom things?
We talk, that was the nice thing about us. We can definitely talk about anything, be it your loud neighbor, my angry mom, your ex's, my crazy friends, science stuffs, online and LAN games, everything! Whatever it was about, we always have our different sides. You'd stick with yours, I'd stick with mine. But did you know that sometimes I'd have to research on things to further convince you that I was right? Yes, it worked alright. I loved how you exquisitely explained your view of things, proving you're smart enough to talk to me. Haha! Kidding aside, you're really smart and I like that.
Do you remember those little fights we had?
Yes, we did have them, most are just petty ones. I was such a cry baby and you were always as sympathetic as ever. Be it my bad or yours, never a night had passed without us reconciling.
That was before this FIRST major fight came up. I was still a cry baby but you were not the same anymore. I'd given you TIME, more that just a couple of nights to think. I'd given you CHOICES even if one of those would make me look stupid. I'd given you CHANCES and you blew everyone of it. While giving you those three, you'd given them back to me: TIME to realize that I don't deserve the hurt, a CHOICE to exclude you in my life and a CHANCE to give myself the love I more deserve.
I blurted these things not to be a buzz maker orsomething, but to let go of memories that I once thought were beautiful and real. Sure I don't want to remember these things anymore, more so of the person which caused them all.
You told me that everything we had was real but you have to realize that sometimes, THE TRUTH MAKES EVERYTHING SEEM A LIE.
anger.
hahaha! gusto ko lang tumawa :D
-bente minutos akong nagsangab para gumaan ang aking pakiramdam. baket ngalay ang labi ko at nangangatog ang laman? :D
-nabasa ko yung post mo (o nya), baket mo naman ni-remove pa? :))
-maghapon akong namahinga sa bahay pero hindi naiwasang lumabas dahil sa ilang importanteng bagay (gaya ng gamot)
-nagpahilot ako ng buong katawan para mawala ang sakit kaso baket pagkagising parang lalo ako nabulbog? :D
-akala ko hindi na matatapos ang "never-ending sadness" ko pero bat tinatawanan na lang kita? =))
-si Nene na kinayayamutan ko pag minsan ang pinakamalimit na nagpapahagalpak sa'kin, ginagawa nya ba 'kong luka? :))
-may exchange gift daw kami worth P100, baket ang nasa wishlist ko priceless?
-akala ko sa pag-alis mo, magiging mas mabuting tao ka. pero bat parang lumala ka pa? kakatawa. :))
-nanood ako ng My Amnesia Girl para tumawa, pero bat pag labas ko ng sinehan, pugto ang aking mata? O.o
o siya, siya.. ako'y matutulog na. pasensiya na, ako lang talaga eh natatawa.
hope.
DEAR STRANGER
I may have met you before, bumped into you somewhere, gazed at you from some window, sat beside you in a cab. Or maybe, you're really the strangest person in my life that I haven't even laid eyes on ever. Wherever you are, don't stay put. Explore the world, know everything you need to, experience everything you have to. As for me, I'm doing the same. By the time comes that we're both complete persons, maybe that's when we may meet each other. I don't know how. I don't know when. I don't know where. But we may both know why. When that time come, I might get shy, look disoriented, or just me being me. If you'd start making conversations, I might talk more than you'll do. I might blurt crazy expressions that only I understand. Don't let those things stop you from being you. I don't know what differences we have yet. I have no idea what you look like, nor how you walk, talk, eat or sleep. But I know that there'll come a time that you might say I know you better than anybody does. And you might be that one for me, too. I have many friends, you can also make them yours. I have a great family, you can call them yours, too. If you have a little sister, I'd love to play dolls with her. Or little brothers, I'd play PSP with them. An ate or kuya, sure I can talk my way to them, too. Your mom and dad, I'd like to meet them, maybe they know my parents, too.
If what I'm picturing right now would be the ones that'll happen, I might say "I can't wait". But I'm not ready yet. I'm still trying to mature, to be better, to be wiser, to love myself more. So, you do the same, ok? It's nice to meet a complete person, rather than someone who has lost puzzle pieces. Let's wait, stranger, see you soon.
forgiveness.
IT'S NOT THE KISS THAT I MISS
A few nights ago, I was forcing myself to dream about you. I went to bed early, thinking it's a clever way to have a long dream. But the earlier I closed my eyes, the later I fell asleep, adding the fact that I didn't get to dream about you. But then, it seemed that I didn't really have to dream about you. Why would I want just dreams when I can just reminisce every memory I have of you.
It all started with your hair, I love touching it, tracing your "high" hairline, picking out the white ones. I miss your hair, your dry frizzy hair.
I miss your brows. I miss fixing them, combing them with my fingers. They're so thick, I'd like to shave'em all off.
Then, there are your eyes. Those tiny eyes that don't seem to have been grown with eyebags. That pair of yours which I envy, comparing my big ones to yours. I miss staring at them. I miss wiping those morning stars while we're talking, and measuring how tiny they are with my fingers.
I miss your nose, uhm, no, not really, it's kinda big. What I miss is squeezing it. Ha ha!
And then, there's that pair of lips that I miss a little. I miss how you pout when you're joking around. I miss how they curve to a smile. I miss how they become distorted when you make face. Hmm, I miss how they used to touch mine, how they used to make me shut up instantly.
It's not the kiss that I miss. But those times when I'm telling something then you'd suddenly kiss me, I'd instantly shut up. Then, you asked, "Hmmm...?" while kissing and I'd forget all about it.
It's not the kiss that I miss. But those times when you'd take my hand and make me touch your face. You'd kiss my fingers, my palm and under it.
It's not the kiss that I miss. But those times when you'd set my hair aside and smell my neck. Those times that you'd whisper something on my ear and I'd giggle a little.
It's not the kiss that I miss. But those times that you used to just stare at me, uttering not a word. I'd ask why, but you'd just smile and kiss me, and then I was drowning in happiness.
It's not the kiss that I miss but the persons who used to do it.
It's not the kiss that I miss but US.
getting back.
02.2011
Today's the end of February, the month which I thought would mark the doomest days of my 2011. The days before this month came, my life seems to be in chaos. I frequently had attacks. Every single day, I always felt uneasy.
And then, February came. It's not until the second week that I felt everything fell into place. I was happy, I AM happy. Happiness has no measure yet I can say this is the happiness that I've been missing for a long time, contentment and no expectations.
March is another month, I'm not expecting a better one but I'm praying this feeling stays as it is now. Pray with me. :)
second fall.
NAKAKATAMAD DIN PALA
maglibot sa buong lipa.
mamuhay mag-isa.
umakyat sa pinakamataas na bundok.
magtatalon pagdating sa tuktok.
magtrabaho maghapon.
mapuyat magdamag.
maagang bumangon.
magbilang ng amag.
WALA NANG MAS NAKAKAPAGOD PA.
KUNDI ANG MAHALIN KA.
happiness and contentment.
maligaya
walang salitang katumbas
sa kaligayahang nababakas
ngiting walang kupas
matulog man hanggang bukas
walang salitang kumakahulugan
sa kaligayahang inaasam
na ngayon ay ipinararamdam
nang walang kaalam-alam
walang salitang tugma
walang salitang tama
walang ibang salita
kundi... :)
Life, indeed, is one hell of a rollercoaster ride. The past year was gloomy for me. Yet as I'm starting a new one, I can now say that I'm a stronger person. No more fear of heights, of heart attack, of deadlines, of pain. Surpassing all of the heartaches is the best f*cking part of my 2010. And it's summer of 2011 already, the sun is obviously shining bright for me.
:)
Comments
Post a Comment